I understand what you're saying very well. Been there and done that waaaay too long (and too many times!).

I was still like that for the first 2 years of my current relationship, as a matter of fact. For the past 1 year 1/2 though, I'm better-able to see that I have other responsibilities (my daughters) and I'm freaking depressed & tired 9 out of 10 times. I just want to be alone a lot of the time! Very unusual for me ~ and while the reasoning isn't all good, at least it is more "normal". Hey ~ maybe someday, I'll actually find not having a love in my life to feel acceptable. That would be an amazing difference in my life!!

(((gentle hugs))) to you!