Well, i've been struggling with this question for a long time. And it looks like bipolarity, but some important aspects are lacking. First of all, i had a terrible youth. When i became 16/17 i started doing drugs sporadically (weed, cocaine, xtc,) because of some bad friends, and binge drinking to cope with stress and to be liked by others (like a couple of times each month). So then i became 18 and i realized i needed to change my life. I went to university, and i became sober and drug free. It was great. So in the summer vacation i met a girl, and i loved her. But she dumped me, so i became depressed as **** (it was my first real love). Then the next year at university started and i stayed depressed like hell for a full year, i didn't see my old friends anymore. But when the summer vacation arrived and ive started to feel better, they asked me to join them on vacation. Well it became a nightmare. I felt on top of the world, i took risks and ive started to binge drink almost every evening. I followed my friends to festivals, and tried to mail the organisers to say that we were journalists and so on, so we could enter for free and get backstage and so on. I started to hit on alot of girls (because thats what they (my "friends" did too). But i never started something serious with them, or ive never slept with them. But ok. Summer vacation came to an end, and i had to go to university again. I started to study again, but this time it was different. I still had high grades, but because of my binge drinking vacation, i started to think that i had severe brain damage, and that i became retarted. On the other hand i felt very ashamed for the things i've done (mostly when i was drunk, but also things like contacting the organisers to lie about us being journalists and so on). Halfway the year, i broke. I had severe panic attacks, i couldn't move anymore, i thought i was dying. It passed away, but i remained more anxious than i was (before university i was a though guy, and i was never anxious.). Because i became so anxious, i contacted my old friends again. Some of them actually helped me, saying they had experienced the same. But they took me out again. So binge drinking and partying sneaked in again. A new summer vacation arrived, and it had become full blown drinking and partying with them. I couldn't skip one of their evenings. But throughout the week (we mostly went in weekends), i was feeling very bad and very anxious. I felt like something was wrong with me, i was tired all week, i had severe brain fog, anxious about driving because i thought i was going to fall asleep, even thought that i was narcoleptic.

So here i am again, summer vacation ended and i'm 3 years further. Thinking whole days about how ive behaved in summer vacation, and how people have looked at me when i was drunk as hell, and not able to stand on my own legs, or when i kissed an ugly 40yo woman, or when i was walking down the street in my underwear and started to puke. (btw i quit drugs totally before going to university, my friends still do it)

Well, my question to you guys:

Do you think that i'm bipolar?

Or is it just a combination of: Bad friends, Stress-relief in summer vacation, A binge-drinking problem, low self esteem (need alcohol so people like me), too much spare time in summer vacation, anxiety, and so on ?

I hope someone takes time to read this, because i'm really scared.
Thanks in advance