Perhaps I over-exaggerate. Sometimes I am noticed. People sometimes notice me when it's their job to notice me, or I am paying them to notice me. I don't often act out or become dramatic, but during those times I am also occasionally noticed. What I do not understand is why I am invisible when I am at least attempting to act in a relatively normal and healthy way. Why is it impossible to share good AND bad times with a person? I want to laugh. I want to have fun. I want to go and take a long drive to the middle of nowhere, just to see what I find. I don't want all of my social interaction to come from therapists and mental hospitals. But I cannot find anyone, anyone at all. So then I am just alone, and pay a therapist to notice me for a while, and to tell me lies until I almost believe that I'm a decent enough human being for all of those aforementioned things.

It has been this way my entire life. What evidence is there that this will change in the next year, or the year after, or ever? I am forced to sit here and just watch time pass meaninglessly; there goes another year of life I could have done without.

Come, O ye therapists, and live in my life, and then tell me that it's really, truly worth living. Should I be grateful for a life I don't want? I feel like I am wasting time just by being alive. Is this all there is to see?