Have you had a discussion with your boyfriend about all this? I was not sure if the ex- was speaking on her own or was under the impression, because of your boyfriend's actions or words that the daughter did not come over as much because of you?

Too, the daughter could get that impression and state it from her dad, because he does not "force" her to come over, gives her a choice. She may not think he wants her to come over enough, might want him to plead for her time a bit If it is just a casual, "you want to come over this weekend?" then there isn't much attraction and, knowing you are there, that would make a three-some that isn't necessarily uncomfortable but not too alluring for a 9 year old? If you were not there, he'd have to center any get-together on her and she would not be sharing him with an adult female?

When my husband's youngest son would come over I would make sure I sent them out on an adventure of their own for most of the time. It is your boyfriend's daughter and he needs to/not to build a relationship with her, as they both decide. You are not part of the problems, other than incidentally, but you also cannot be part of the relationship really at this point. I doubt there is ever going to be a happy threesome with you, he and his daughter. Yes, you will have a relationship with his daughter but it will be you and her relationship, of which he will not be a part and probably not come until much later. I get along extremely well with my three stepsons, I relish the role of "evil stepmother"

A girl is going to be much more attracted to and feel "safer" with her mom and like she has more in common than with a strange female, no matter how much she might like you; think of whether you would have liked to go alone to a favorite female teacher's house as a child; you might have fantasized about it but if given the opportunity you probably would have felt too shy/unsure and opted to stay with mom?

I would not take anything the ex-wife says to someone else and you overhear very personally, it really doesn't concern you, what others think? They are going to think and say what they think and say. My husband's ex-wife thinks we are best friends and she gets that idea because of how I treat her and her and my relationship. I wouldn't get messed up in their mess, in their child rearing; you don't have a good angle to influence that?