Not much for rl support system. I have my pdoc but meds won't help this problem. My mom is here but I'm terribly irritated with her and the amount of clutter she's adding while she's here. I have a bf I don't live with and irritated with him too, he's very non-emotional, but he's loaning me $5k today fix my broken septic. So now i am indebted to him, dont see me being able to repay him any time soon. My friends are only happy time friends. No one can come here because my son's violence. Maybe the juvenile probation is my only "support". Coming to terms with having my son put in jail is killing me. It has consumed the past 5 years of my life. I avoid most family members because their advice is too overwhelming and triggering. Most people I know don't know my dx... And I want to keep it that way.

I did just text the only gf who seems compassionate to my bp. She'd called me this morning and I didn't answer. So I texted not doing well can't talk sorry. She is inviting me and my kids to her boyfriends house up in the snow for new years. But just texted her that I'm so depressed not sure how I will make it through this day. Even though its out of my comfort zone, I'm reaching out to a rl friend, cuz of what I've learned here from you guys. I have to do these things to be responsible for my health.

Sorry for all the typos, I'm on an iPad and it does weird autocorrect stuff and not easy to edit. It changed gf to 'gift', lol that's too true. And it changed pdoc to podcast lol.