i had the wierdest dream a few nights ago that i cant seem to get out of my head since.

as many of you may know, i really want to be a singer/songwriter and i love music, and the way it makes me feel is out of this world. i get such a buzz from it and it has an unexplainable impact on me mentally. music is my life and its my passion, i want nothing else out of life except to be on stage singing to people. i go all shakey just thinking about it.

well a few nights ago i was led in bed and started to fall asleep. as i fell asleep i began to dream. try to picture this if you will...

i could see myself on the middle of a stage, i had a choir behind me on my right, and an orchestra/band behind me on my left. i began singing "Stand By Me", my favourite song of all time. and the stage went pitch black and the crowd in front of me went dead silent, not a single noise came from them. everything was dark except me, and i was stood at a microphone which was on its stand. the band behind was playing such a mellow, relaxing tune and the choir were humming quietly, the impact was immense, so powerful! i remember the feelings i had when i sang. i could feel all my heart and soul be poured into the song and the emotion was almost overflowng. being on that stage felt wonderful. i felt like that was where i belonged, almost like that was the moment i have worked so hard for in my life. i felt so happy and safe. i cant begin to understand the sense of "true happiness" i felt and it felt like i was home. thats a feeling i havent had for so many years.

then i woke up...

i actually nearly cried when i woke up. i felt as though my strong imagination was beyond me this time and i felt like it was a million miles away from me, and that i would never be on that stage. i want it so much but feel i am not good enough and dont deserve it for whatever reason. it made me sad, to be honest.

i felt so connected with myself in that dream and when i woke up i felt like a huge chunk of ME was ripped from me. but yet i felt positive and optimistic that one day i will be there. such a contrast in such a short space of time.

since then i have had the wierdest feelings. last night i was in bed and i felt happy, yet sad. safe, yet vulnerable. i felt i belonged, yet i felt i didnt belong here. excited about my future, yet scared. it is the wierdest feelings i have felt for a long time and it has had me baffled. i felt the extreme opposites of so many different emotions at the same time. i cant really explain it either, i cant find the words for it.

im just wondering whether what i dreamt that night was just a dream, or whether it was a preminition of things to come. i really dont know what to think. it just felt so real, every single second of it, all the emotions, senses etc. i know no one will have the answer to this, but i would love to hear your thoughts on this.

im hoping its a preminiton myself...