Then I really don't understand why this is happening to me? I mean if everyone else is "lovable" I must be particularly horrible. But anyone that I've gotten close to has had to put up with me. They don't like the real me.

[/QUOTE]
Talking is doing. And then presumably the outcome of the talking/thinking/planning/analyzing/etc. is some action you can take outside of therapy.
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I meant doing as in engaging in physical activities such as kissing etc. Talking isn't going to help it happen...I don't really understand how it would. I used to be terrified of driving. I didn't get over that by talking about it. I got over it by someone strongly encouraging me to do it and tons of experience before I became essentially fearless.

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What do you mean 'put up with'? If you're friends, it's give and take, right? They listen to you; you listen to them.[/QUOTE]

No, even if I offer, they don't take. So all they did was give. And because of that I stopped talking to people as I was tired of hearing that someone wanted to punch me in the face for example. I'm just not friendship material, even when I try. So I don't bother talking to anyone about anything personal.

[/QUOTE]
A lot of people probably feel that way. They've been taught it's wrong. I personally don't agree. That probably doesn't help much, though?
[/QUOTE]

I was never taught it was wrong...just from my earliest formation of "sexual" thought I knew it was wrong. And sex ed made me feel bad about masturbation. I don't remember why though. I think because I didn't understand what I was doing or why it felt the way it did until someone explained it.

[/QUOTE]
I think a sex drive is like the need for food or air or water or companionship. You can control when and what you eat, but you don't stop eating altogether. You can train yourself to hold your breath for longer, but you'll never be able to stop breathing completely. We have drives and appetites that we have to control in certain ways if we're going to get along in polite company. But having the drive is neither good nor bad. And finding an appropriate way of taking care of it doesn't make you a bad person.
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I guess I just don't know what really is truly "appropriate". It all seems highly inappropriate.

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I doubt they're hoping to rub it in anyone's face.
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Probably not, but it sure feels that way.

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You might be if you want to be.
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Wanting it doesn't make it happen. Things that I can control by myself, yes. But this involves another person and I can't do anything to control what they do, know matter how much I want to.

[/QUOTE]
What did you tell them?
[/QUOTE]

Either that I don't like guys or they don't like me. Which is pretty much true.

[/QUOTE]
Which physical stuff? Masturbation?
[/QUOTE]

No, sex with another person. Pretty much any aspect of that.

[/QUOTE]
Well, look around you. Are all the people in relationships good looking and personable? My mom was 30 when she got married. And my dad was almost 33. She told me once that she complained to her mother because all of her friends were getting married and she wasn't. Her mom asked her if she'd want any of the guys her friends were marrying. She thought about it and realized she wouldn't.

There are a lot of ugly people in loving relationships. And unpleasant people. And humorless people. And stupid people. And lazy people.

You don't have to be perfect to find love. Somewhere in this big world is someone for you.

It sounds like you actually have two problems: sex seems disgusting to you and your self-esteem is low.[/QUOTE]

How do we know if any of these people are happy and/or whether they just married the first person willing to put up with them? That's basically what happened to my parents.

I'm not even sure who I'm supposed to be pursuing. I used to really want to know my sexual orientation, now I don't. Because either way it ends up badly in the end.