Dear lindammarie,

Sam2 has given you a very thoughtful answer. I can give you none better. "Why?" is what we start asking very early in life, and it just never stops.
Your comment, "I know I have people in my life that love me, but what good is that if you exasperate them constantly?" made me laugh ... I went to my journal to be sure, and yes--I wrote almost those exact words in my journal a few weeks before ending up in the psychiatric unit several years ago. I was deep deep in a depression when I wrote, "I know there are people in my life who love me, but what good is that if every week you're less able to connect with them?"

Maybe every depressed person feels that way, sooner or later.

Depression is a real meanie, because it changes our ability to relate to the world, our loved one, even ourselves. That hospital visit I mentioned changed my life--my friends talked things over & decided I didn't know what was best for me so with my doctor's okay called the ambulance.

I was there a month, re-diagnosed as bipolar ... not depressed.

Sorry, I just talk & talk ...
but my point is, sometimes we don't have all the facts
and sometimes we do well to turn things over to god
and stay in the present, looking for opportunities
that present themselves to us

Roadie