Be sure to go to individual therapy for yourself, too. Learn to love yourself first, I think, and then you won't feel so ambiguous about holding your husband accountable. You'll know that you deserve to be treated lovingly and honestly. If you read my posts (just joined a few days ago), you'll see that I'm a guilty party in an emotional/somewhat physical affair. I feel very guilty about that. I know the wife and cared about her and her family, and I still crossed the line. Never done anything like that before and I've been married for 22 years. I hate that I did it. And I regret it with my whole soul. She's no old dog--she's beautiful and smart and hurting and angry. She deserves better. So do you. So do I. Take care of yourself. : )

Sally