Simon, sweet fella...I hope for you also that it is indeed a premonition of things to come.
I can so identify with your feelings about performing. I experienced that same high when I was younger, winning awards, getting accolades, and being in front of a huge audience who went hushed when I started to sing. It was my true love and aspiration, but I did not realize my dreams because of my insecurity. On one very real level, I think one must be "harder" than I was to "make it." You seem much like me in your sensitivity.
If I were to go back and relive that time now, I would go about it in a step-by-step businesslike manner. Whether yoiu are a songwriter(?) or just a singer, save your money to pay for studio recording time and make those demos!
Also, on spiritual level, send out the "energy" that you will accomplish your dream!
Patty