Furthermore, i think i should mention that i've always been very impulsive. As i kid, i had to undergo a psychiatric investigation. The result was that i was very impulsive.

But how i remember it, i was a true dickhead as a young child. I was incredibly dominant, and incredibly rude (at this moment i'm not rude at all anymore), and i've always had an intense anger inside me. I was indeed very impulsive, doing everything i liked, shouting when i wanted to shout, couldn't sit still, did what i wanted to do (and yes, i'm even ashamed of my period between the age of 5-15). So i had to take methylphenidate (ritalin). I didnt help me at all, it only led me to take drugs more easily (like cocaine when i was 17-18). But ok, everyone knows me as being impulsive.

When i went to university, i could supress my impulsivity, but i often asked questions directly when they came in my mind, and when i couldnt find something in my books i send an e-mail to the teacher immediately (often when i turned around the page i found the anwer, but i had already sent the email). So i'm impulsive all year long. But in summer my impulsivity shifts to binge drinking and doing stupid things.

But after last year i started to become ashamed, and ive started to become depressed sometimes.

Am i just growing up or am i finally getting out of a very hard puberty?

I'm really curious about what the therapist is going to say. Because ive been searching for so long to find what is wrong with me. (Even at the age of 5-6 i remember myself going to my mother to say that i didnt wanted to live anymore, only so my father could beat me for letting my mother feel bad.)