I see the social worker in a few hours. I have thought about it a lot and I don't want to keep hurting my family and putting them through my crap. I have thought about going into the hospital only to find myself thinking about the 40 times I have been in and out and it isn't working. I know some may be hurt and mad at me but it will be one last hurt and then no more.

With my brother there wasn't anything I could do because I wasn't there, it's the fact that I should've been gone first and if I would of suceeded any one time the possibliity of him still being here is very high.

Maybe I do have survivors guilt at the same time I feel that am over my brother's death. I don't know anymore...it's all confusing to me.

hugs,
Jen