Quote:
Originally Posted by riotgrrrl
Your poll doesn't make sense to me. If you'd slept with this other woman, then for me, I would tick 'leave'. But it sounds like you are flirting, not having an affair.
What do you want to do now? Why should it be your wife who makes all the decisions on leaving or staying? Are you willing to give up 20 years of marriage for a what could be a daydream? Do you really love your wife? Why did you start up something with an old friend? For me, those are more important questions to ask, rather than if your wife should stay or go.
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I agree with riotgrrrl in the sense that I would not so quickly vote "leave". I would say it's a bit more than just playful flirting and borders on what could be considered an emotional affair if it carried on but the fact is it wasn't even text "sex" or cybering. I dont' mean to minimize or say that it isn't serious, I know you realize it is from your post.
You did come clean with your wife, and you did, I'm assuming, stop and hopefully cut off ties with this woman. yes you were tempted and you made a mistake but you've done the right thing. Unfortunately, IMO, if you do love your wife, questioning whether to leave or not kind of doesn't make sense on your part. Leaving after doing this is like quitting or giving in and that's the last thing you should do if you love your wife. The ball should really be in your wife's court as to whether she wants you to leave or not, but I hope she doesn't choose to do that.
You've got to put everything you've got into this marriage and like others have said, get into marriage counseling. There's something going on that isn't made apparent in your post about your marriage, because if you even considered having an affair, you're dissatisfied somehow with yourself or your marriage. Counseling will help to discover what it is that is missing and hopefully help you both to mend that, in addition to helping your wife and you to reconcile this.
Definitely do not leave.