Trippin, BlueWhisky, DarkHeart, thanks for your comments. I was diagnosed with ADD earlier, so i think i can work to change myself. Your comments have calmed me down a bit. It's just, a few years ago, i was a though guy. If anyone had a problem, i said stuff like: "Don't whine about it, and just change.". I worked like 12 hours each day for my med-studies and i suppressed my past (I did like nothing ever happened). But then all of a sudden, it hit me. I got panic attacks about almost everything. So everything changed. Sometimes i'm glad that it hit me, otherwise i remained the jerk i was. Now i'm really caregiving and empathic.

I still live with my mother, so today i told her about my past (drug use, and alcohol abuse). And she was like; "it's nice that you finally tell me whats wrong, now i don't have to guess anymore. It's not such a big deal. And we're going to work together to change your alcohol abuse and impulsivity".

So i guess this was a good start. Concerning meds, i just hate all of them since i've used ritalin. It made me incredibly anxious and paranoid. I couldn't walk on the street, because i felt awkward. So i quit taking them before university, and when i stopped my grades were higher than ever.

Concerning bipolarity meds, i just saw that everybody has alot of side effects from them, and since i'm willing to specialize, i will have to study for another ten years. And i can't afford myself to be tired. I need to be focused. And reading about Lithium scared me, because it enters neurons by potassium channels but it can't leave by potassium-sodium-ATPases, so it accumulates in the brain.

Nevertheless, i wan't to thank you guys for responding and calming me a bit! You're all so kind! It's just; my father was diagnosed as being bipolar after his accident (i think its a wrong diagnosis). I think this mainly because his psychiatrist said that he was a lost case and not willing to change. And the psychiatrist of my sister met him too, and he said to my sister (literally): "If your father calls you again that he's about to commit suicide, please let him". My sister was diagnosed with borderline, and my mother with severe depression. So i grew up in pretty though situations. This is the first time i talked about it. But i think that you all understand now, that i'm always searching for the answer on my always recurring question: "What is wrong with me?".

Thanks everyone. You all helped me!