Not judging here, just relating..I know someone who killed herself and it affected her family, especially her daughter, greatly and probably forever. still I can understand why you want to die. I know you have tried for so long to get help. I can understand why you feel so tired of it all. You feel you have caused such pain to your loved ones, how about if you try to make amends? Will that ease your heavy heart a little? I recently posted about finally realizing that depression is sometimes suppressed anger. What about people who have wronged you? Have you been able to direct your anger towards them?