I've been there I know exactly what you mean. Just want to go away or wonder if this is some hell that I live in to feel this for ever. I feel ya I really do. But I'm sure your family loves you you just can't see that now. Maybe you need to talk to your pdoc ASAP, or consider a hospital stay. Just please hang in there it can get better. Maybe look into ect that's what I had to do and it helped greatly.