Hi,

Since the events in CT, I can't stop thinking about it. I hesitate to even write anything beyond "events in CT" for fear of aggravating my emotional reaction to it. When I say obsessing over it, I feel like I can't go 10 minutes without the mental imagery of that moment, the fear and sadness that permeated that location at that point in time, I feel like my stomach is getting crushed by the emotional imagery.

I am a very successful professional, male, in my 30's with a few children that are my life. I've always had this overly empathetic side to me and have considered seeking professional help but generally time was enough to heal me, and I was always afraid that spending time talking about the issue at hand would serve to extend its influence on my psyche. Also, with several advanced degrees that included lower-level psych classes and an unusually high iq I wondered whether traditional psychotherapy would be effective; hopefully that didn't sound too elitist. I blame my intelligence for much of my issue; I have an ability to process a large number of streams concurrently, which is a blessing when it comes to my field, and a curse when negative imagery overwhelms anything else I try to focus on. I just can't seem to shake the thoughts of the suffering that was experienced in those senseless moments.

I understand how illogical my issue is; far more deaths occur in the span of a week, many of which involve even more unspeakable suffering. I've spent days trying to make myself understand that the constant sadness I'm now experiencing just doesn't make sense, to no avail.

I'm generally a fairly stable person. I don't think I've cried more than once in the last 10 years before this incident. Since then I've broken down several times; at work, on the drive home, hugging my daughter. I decided two days ago I needed help, and spent some time researching therapists in my area. I reached out to one that seemed promising, only to get a response saying that she, too, is having difficulty processing the event and would not be able to assist me.

My questions - what issue do I have? OCD? Depression? Can therapy really help, can it extend my suffering, should I just wait things out? Historically, I know that other, less intense obsessions lasted about a month before I started noticing relief, in the form of being able to not have a single thought about the event in question for more than a few hours. I'm nervous however; this event is so much more intense for me, and vivid, debilitating thoughts are triggered by so many stimuli (my children, any guns/shooting on TV/online) I fear it might be much longer before I can smile to friends and family and not feel like I'm forcing a happy face for their benefit.

If I should seek help, what specialties, training, etc. should I be looking for? What forms of therapy would you suggest?

Thank you, for any insight.