I am pissed at the world. I feel like that for people like me, the rest of the world lets me slip right through the cracks, and there is no helps.
I have severe depression that has only been growing worse over the past couple weeks. It scares me...I bounce between feeling strong hatered and self loathing to feeling numb, like I couldn't care less about anyone or anything...and that terrifies me.

I applied for SSI again and was denied...they said my condition wasn't severe enough nor was there sufficient documentation. Although I found out that they chose to exclude the documentation that there was. They only looked at the records from a doctor's office I no longer go to..the paperwork was from 2 years ago...I tried to ask them why they didn't use current paperwork...why they didn't contact my current doctor for the information but they gave me the run-around.

I applied for food stamps and cash assistance...but apparently in order to qualify for cash, I need to get knocked up, get married at age 20, lose a limb or wind up in the hospital before I can qualify....and according to the DSHS office, I don't qualify for food stamps because I have no income...how does that make any kind of sense??? I can't pay rent...can't pay electric...I am about to be homeless at this rate...I lost my job because due to anxiety and depression I couldn't handle the pressure of it. I was laid off because I was ill too much. I can't find another job....even though I look, my doctor and therapist are telling me not to work...because they feel that with the state I am in, that it would only make things worse. I have developed a huge fear for being around people. I hide in my house because I can't stand being out in the world.

I wound up failing a class in school because of this...I would have panic attacks...being in the classroom, and around campus caused it to happen every time...I explained to my teacher that I could not always make it to class...I said I had medical reasons and my doctor and therapist both sent me with documentation to prove it....my teacher would hear none of it, and refused me...he said if I wasn't there then I fail the class. And I did...I tried on many occasions to go in, but they resulted in me having another attack. I offered to do the work and assignments and home and turn them in once a week but still he denied me. I shouldn't be surprised but now I have lost my financial aid...including my loan because he wouldn't work with me.

I have no income. I am depressed and about to be homeless. I have more and more dark thoughts as the weeks go on. I don't have any clue what to do...I cannot afford to see my doctor anymore...I am $500 in the hole with my bank, and cannot climb out. I constantly get harassing letters and phone calls about not making my payment...

Understand, I live in Washington...the temperature outside right now is about 40 degrees. It's only 50 degrees in the home we live in because we cant afford heat. Our 'house' has black mold growing in it, and it only makes our health worse and worse...the floor is beginning to give out....its sinking and becoming morphed. There are holes in the walls, and the front window of the house has a golf ball sized hole in it....The roof leaks and half the plug ins dont work..we cant afford to fix it...not that it matters...because by this time next month with no payment, I will have no home...

Why does the government say I don't qualify? I dont understand. I am 20 years old, I was thrown out when I was 17. I lived with my grandparents up until a few months ago, but I could no longer live with them...my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer...in both the brain and lung...and I am grateful that a few weeks ago he was given a clean bill of health....it is one less worry on my mind, but they cannot afford to continue to help me with their own medical expenses....

Please, does anyone have any advice...my boyfriend and I are living in this "home" or what is left of one....he luckily just found a job...but he only works one day a week and only gets about 4 hours...I am glad he has an income...even a small one...but it isn't enough to make our payments...if it wasn't for the food bank we would be starving too....please, are there any recommendations out there?