Wow lots of traffic here and I've not been around to keep up. Good one guys, I'm so glad you are feeling brave enough to post.

Two sons thanks for the empathy and understanding about the hairdresser Lol I loved your description of how it freaks you out, if you can get a laugh out of it, all is not lost!

I had my appointment today and sat through two hours (TWO HOURS!!!!!) of it but actually it went better than other times - this a new hairdresser and she didn't chatter as much as others have done so I didn't feel so pressured to keep up the happy happy chat - which I can do but which really wears me out and makes me unbelievably stressed out and tense by the end of it all. It's a chore, not a pleasure making constant small talk and having to be super careful of always saying and doing the right thing, even in a small talk situation. On the up side, I now have a great colour and the haircut itself is fantastic. This hairdresser definitely one I'll be going back to.

Maybe in time if I stick with the one hairdresser it won't be so fraught going, as you are saying I.Am.The.End. yeah? The idea of a safe routine and familiarity, the other person becoming a known quantity and therefore not quite so threatening? I think I can see that working.

You know this might sound oppositional and I don't at all mean it to be, but I think it's great that you CAN see at least one good thing about yourself (ok physically, maybe you are able to see good things about yourself in other ways too, if so, I think that is great too!)

And hey please don't feel bad for being on this forum because you think you don't have AvPD as badly as some others. It's all relative and you have just as much right to post here (and to feel welcome and be welcomed) as anyone. See if you're able to post and talk more freely about yourself, that gives others who are maybe struggling with wanting to post but can't quite bring themselves to, some encouragement and a reason for reading here. Lol I see Moira has effectively said exactly that, sorry to be repetitive...

Wow that you're a musician and perform before audiences, you don't have to be AvPD to be freaked out by that kind of situation ! Way to go. Though I'm really sorry you had an awful public experience that's made it so difficult for you now. I hope you are able to persevere and not let it stop you from playing. And I'm sorry too you suffered a terrible rejection

(((( Moira ))))) good for you for posting again. You definitely deserve a reward for that, never mind waiting until you've done two week's worth. Baby steps and all that, manageable goals... Better that you post sometimes and it's not too overwhelming, than try and post every day for two weeks and that freaks you out to the point where you run away. We need you!

So hm ok I seem to have written at length already so might come back tomorrow with a separate check in. Cheers to everyone hope things are going ok and post Christmas isn't too depressing.

Torn