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Originally Posted by Torn Mind
I had my appointment today and sat through two hours (TWO HOURS!!!!!) of it but actually it went better than other times - this a new hairdresser and she didn't chatter as much as others have done so I didn't feel so pressured to keep up the happy happy chat - which I can do but which really wears me out and makes me unbelievably stressed out and tense by the end of it all. It's a chore, not a pleasure making constant small talk and having to be super careful of always saying and doing the right thing, even in a small talk situation. On the up side, I now have a great colour and the haircut itself is fantastic. This hairdresser definitely one I'll be going back to.
Maybe in time if I stick with the one hairdresser it won't be so fraught going, as you are saying I.Am.The.End. yeah? The idea of a safe routine and familiarity, the other person becoming a known quantity and therefore not quite so threatening? I think I can see that working.
You know this might sound oppositional and I don't at all mean it to be, but I think it's great that you CAN see at least one good thing about yourself (ok physically, maybe you are able to see good things about yourself in other ways too, if so, I think that is great too!)
And hey please don't feel bad for being on this forum because you think you don't have AvPD as badly as some others. It's all relative and you have just as much right to post here (and to feel welcome and be welcomed) as anyone. See if you're able to post and talk more freely about yourself, that gives others who are maybe struggling with wanting to post but can't quite bring themselves to, some encouragement and a reason for reading here. Lol I see Moira has effectively said exactly that, sorry to be repetitive...
Wow that you're a musician and perform before audiences, you don't have to be AvPD to be freaked out by that kind of situation  ! Way to go. Though I'm really sorry you had an awful public experience that's made it so difficult for you now. I hope you are able to persevere and not let it stop you from playing. And I'm sorry too you suffered a terrible rejection 
Torn |
Good, I'm glad that your appointment at the hairdressers went well.
Repetition has always seemed to work for me, especially when it comes to performance. There are situations that I feel very comfortable in and others I don't, and the ones I feel more comfortable in, I have more experience.
Also if I'm in costume (character?) I'm fine usually. So maybe that's another technique? Becoming a different "person" in a way, when doing things that you would ordinarily be uncomfortable with. Like having an alter ego, I guess. I don't really think about it consciously.
Also, I don't know if it can be applied as well outside of performing, but learning how to not "telegraph" mistakes will allow you to perform and make mistakes without people realizing it. It's tricky to do as you have to not physically react to a mistake. So basically overriding your natural instincts. But I've tested this and it actually works. If you physically don't respond to the mistake, few people will notice (or their brains won't process it). This is a skill that takes a lot of practice and is very difficult, I'm not going to lie. I find it a lot easier in music performance than every day life, but I have more experience in performance.
And to your other comment, I suppose that I can see something physically good in myself—I'm really going off what other people have said. And I feel very negatively about everything else, so...
And I usually get over rejections after a year or two, but not this time (it's been 1 1/2 years and I don't feel like it's getting better).