I didn't say everyone else was lovable. I said all kinds of imperfect people find relationships. My boss, for example, has an incredibly unappealing personality (to me). And he's very unattractive (to me). He's underweight with a haggard, gray face, wild hair, a scraggly beard, and one eye that points in the wrong direction. But he has a very nice, intelligent, and reasonably attractive wife. Obviously she sees something in the man that I don't. Just one of many people I know that I personally wouldn't want to be with, but someone else did.

One person's yuck is another person's yum.


If you liked yourself better, other people would like you better too. You could start by liking yourself.


I think you were taught it was wrong. No one just 'knows' sex is wrong. Maybe no one sat you down and instructed you that it was wrong, but someone or something gave you that idea.


I do understand this. I have a 27 year old son diagnosed with schizophrenia. It's very painful to me when coworkers talk about what their children in the same age group are doing - going to school, working, marrying, having children. I wish they wouldn't tell me these things. They're not trying to hurt me or flaunt their good fortune. They're not even thinking about how it affects me at all. They're just sharing what's going on in their lives.


Admitting you want it is a good first step. There are tons of people who never even get that far. Rather than take a risk, they lie to themselves and say they don't want it.


Have you considered politely suggesting they mind their own business? I don't believe in being rude if it's possible to say something politely - and it usually is. If you could have a line ready to respond when people ask prying questions, it might be helpful. Can't think of a great line for you to use. I'm actually way too blunt. This is the kind of thing a therapist would be great at, though. A line you could memorize and have ready to respond to nosy parkers.

You have the right to set boundaries. People who ask you why you don't have a sweetheart are stepping over those boundaries - especially as this is a painful area for you. When you set a firm boundary, you let the other person know they need to respect you. And you send a powerful message to your subconscience that you're worthy of respect. That's a first step toward liking yourself better.


Relationships don't make people happy. My parents had a good marriage. They were perfect for each other and were married for 33 years - until my dad died. But neither of them were happy. They were both depressives. Finding each other didn't fix that.


That's a different question.

I would suggest you start by working on liking yourself.

i'm 42 and apart from my abusers which stopped at 19 i have not had sex with anyone, even my late partner of 10 years. he respected my feelings and was happy with me as i was that sex did not matter to him either. like you i still get aroused and orgasm but alone, the thought of a mans bare bits going anywhere near me freeks me out. i have to really get to know a man before i even allow a peck om the cheek. i am not interested in girls that way either, just happy with life without sex, so many friends have seperated because of ill matched sex drives or affairs that i am glad to be out of all that.
sex is a personal choice , just like nudism or religion, it is your right to chose and feel however you wish about it, don't let the majority sway your views it is your body after all not theirs.