I had T today. It is so confusing. I am learning about this little by little and can't really read material and get an understanding. I learn and remember so much more when what I can read is put into a context in which I can relate to. So please for give me for asking dumb questions and not going to google for everything. The search is exausting then the reading and decoding the info it is just so useless.

I had T today and we have discovered that I have PTSD much like a person who is a veteran. It is the touch that just sends me into trauma mode. (due to rape, and sexual abuse and who knows what else exactly) I was not aware this existed inside me until this weekend. I know I didn't like to be touched but when my H tried to hug me after an argument I told him, "Don't touch me, I hate you" I can't actually remember telling him t hat but I remember thinking it. The T says it is much like combative PTSD because I cannot remember what I said. My H could tell me but I don't want to even discuss it w/ him. The T said not to. If I didn't want to go there w/ out her then don't. Together we will go there if need be.

That is the first time I have heard of combative PTSD outside of a military since. She compared it to touching to wake a soldier, or a startle response, or anger and physical touch. This in my case is touch being bad. Not touch from a child, they hold an innocence that adults seems to have lost. Nurturing a child and hugging a little one is different. It is the adult contact. I don't like any sexual contact, I don't like my personal space invaded, I don't like any physical contact what so ever. I immediately shut down. I don't know how to stop it, I don't realize I do it at times.

Does this make anyone since to anyone. Is this even possible to have combative type PTSD w/ out being in a military situation. I want to read the combative PTDS part here at PC but am afraid to at the moment. I hope to learn more because this seems to be quite destructive. Any opinions anyone.