Thanks for your responce. Being w/ this man was horrible. He violated me in every mental and emotional way possible and I was alone except for the protection I recieved from him. (what I thought was protection) Strange one would call being forced to rely on your attacker as protection. How easily mind games can turn into assumed reality. It was my own personal hell I was afraid to walk away from. I can't controll my aversion to touch. I know it is wrong and causing a problem but I feel defenceless to stop it.