Hello Chris, I'm sorry I didn't realize you had your own thread here (I only just turned up to AvPD forum recently and only cursorily looked through previous threads.)

I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish. If it's any comfort yes I too get those thoughts of other people watching me. Walking down a street and feeling like everyone is observing me, and thinking negatively of me. Feeling like I'm on display or on show all the time, even if there's no-one around (I call it 'other eyes' and mostly it's in my head but that doesn't make it any easier to live with.)

I wonder if somewhere in your past you've been accused of selfishness, of thinking that the world revolves around you, and that's made you hyper aware of any references to yourself that you make? For what it's worth, it's almost impossible to talk about things without using I, Me, Mine, My... Unless you're talking of abstract things that don't involve opinion or thoughts or feelings.

Considering this is a support forum you'd have your work cut out to avoid using first person pronouns! Good practice Chris, to write about yourself on an anonymous forum, where people are already biased to being supportive and understanding .

Also sounds like you labour under a lot of 'shoulds' (you *should* have taken the benadryl to your friend, even though you patently couldn't.) Shoulds are just big sticks to beat ourselves up with. Not that that makes them any easier to tolerate, I know all about shoulds and how they are so difficult to oppose and ignore or even live with comfortably. Their job is to make us feel bad for being who we are, they're the enemy! Lol that's just me, don't mind what I'm saying if it makes no sense to you .

Hugs to you Chris

Torn