I don't know whats happened since you posted,but it sure looks like you're in a rough spot. I felt alot of empathy for you when I read your post..I'd like to share what I feel is relevant to your situation based on my years of substance abuse and subsequent recovery. You screwed up,we can all see that,thats bad behavior...right? I want you to realize that it does'nt make you a "bad person" because if you don't you'll cripple your self esteem,and how will you ever feel as though you are worth the effort of straightening yourself out if you're just a "bad person". I tried to use drugs to fill a hole in me,you tried to use what you did.A baby will pick up anything and the first place it goes is its mouth,why? its based in need/drive we all understand that. As adults we do similar things
in a blind kind of way ,trying to get a need/drive met,but not really knowing how to do it because maybe we don't really know what we're looking for,would'nt recognize it on sight,was'nt taught to us by our parents.I want you to take responsibility for what you've done,and do whatever you have to do to to make it up to your wife and family.What I don't want you to do is trash yourself in the process.your a human being "mistake maker" forgive yourself and move on,knowing that this is one mistake you'll never have to repeat.