It sounds like you are lonely. Has your husband passed or are you divorced? Do you have friends? You sound happier when you are in the company of others but deep down you know it's only temporary and you will be going home again where you'll be alone.

My suggestion is to get out of the house as much as possible in order to build a life and to meet others at your own pace. Are you a member of any senior centers or a church? How are your time management skills with house chores? (I know mine are pretty bad and I am a few years younger than you!)

I am finding out that getting older means a decrease in energy. I can't do all of the things that I used to or want to. If I pay the bills and do the laundry then there will be no energy for house cleaning. If I do the ironing and grocery shopping and make dinner then I will have to settle for that because there is nothing left! Socializing and taking walks for health tire me out too. Your dreams seem to be to get out of your house and instead you seem trapped in it. You want to live your dreams. A helper or friend may be needed to help you achieve them, especially when it comes to the house work. Think about it. I wish you all the best.