I've been in and out of therapy most of my life. Always either thinking I had got it together enough or I found the therapist wasn't qualified to treat me. I joined the forum and began to browse. Jesus it was like where do I START. There are at least 12 sub-forums in mental health that I have issues. I've logged on for days and just stared (I have trouble joining in anyway).

It finally dawned on me to think about what was or caused all my mental troubles. Birth is really where it began with neglect, and physical and sexual abuse. My first official diagnosis was that I suffered PTSD and chronic depression from severe sexual childhood trauma. Fast forward another 24 years and now the diagnosis is still chronic PTSD from severe CSA with chronic depression but they added bipolar with psychotic features and DID (I have multiples). The latter issues are apparently what happens when you repress for 24 years. I also have substance abuse issues, sleep disorder, eating disorder, anxiety disorders, self-injury disorder..... you get the picture. But get this.... I'm highly functioning but majorly ****ed up but REALLY good at hiding it.

My therapist asked me friday if I had someone I felt safe with so I could spend time with that person. Alas there is no one in my life that is safe. So while alone is safe it is still lonely.

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