((((Blue)))) I have been watching movies, took a nap and doing my best to stay well-hydrated. My appetite isnt so great these days, so I have been eating little bites of this and that to keep my blood sugar even. I havent been out of the house, though, since early morning when I went to the cafe to get some coffee.

Funny, too, I have to get to the office by 6am that first day back after the break so I can meet with some vendors (we are still ironing the kinks out in the new office).

I am trying really hard to focus on all of the things I have to do, and that are waiting for me, when I return. I am going to walk into that office in the new year, 2012 behind me.

I have made advances in healing. I know I have done my job quite well (although there are things I would like to improve more about myself on a personal level such as continuing to work on the low self esteem and finding some joy hobbies etc outside of the office environs).

If I am laid off it will not be because of my work. It will not be because of my lack of professional demeanor nor inability to get things done. It will be because they do not like having me around.

It will be personal but I can live with that...And I am not one of THOSE types, so to hell with them. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. But I will retain my dignity (MH challenges and all) and I refuse to allow myself to beat myself up for being human. And for making mistakes.

I/we just cannot afford to let the old tapes our head keep running. Esp because the messages, they arent true.

Please,let's keep in touch, esp. these next few days in the new year so we can support each other. I will be here for you