As a nurse, I would advise you to try to stop diagnosing yourself. Medical people tend to do this, and it's just crazy-making. I did the same thing for years before I finally made my primary-care physician worried enough to refer me for a psych eval. Of course, my pdoc had already figured it out by reading my H&P, and the first question he asked me was what illness I'd diagnosed myself with! LOL

All joking aside......I will tell you that substance abuse, e.g. over-use of ETOH, is sometimes a sign of bipolarity. It's a way of self-medicating when the world gets to be too much for us to handle, whether we're in a manic or depressed phase. I haven't had a drink in 21 years, but I'm still considered dual-diagnosis because I'm an alcoholic on top of being BP. It's okay, I know it doesn't make me a bad person.....each problem just makes dealing with the other a bit more complicated.

As everyone else here has said in one way or another, you really need to see a mental health professional to get a proper diagnosis and start some form of treatment. If it IS bipolar, you would be mistaken to reject medications outright, as they can be lifesaving (and improve your quality of life overall). I think most of us do best with a combination of meds and therapy---the meds help straighten out our brain chemistry so that we are better able to learn the coping skills that help us navigate our way through life.

In any case, I wish you the best. Please keep us updated on how you're doing.