Doingmybest it sounds like you have several things going on at once. That sounds hard having 3 and 5 yr olds (if I remember correctly). I have a 3 and 7 yr old and they require a lot of attention. Thankfully my 7 yr old is in the second grade so during the day I will have that relief. My 3yr old goes to preschool 4 days a week and two of those days I thankfully don't pick him up until 3pm when I'm done with my program (now I have him preschool 5 days because of my treatment). If other family and friends new what you were going through do you think they could/would help out? Your illness is too much for you or your husband to cure. And I can certainly relate to living for your children but try and live for them by getting help.

I am currently being treated for depression and anxiety (I started to fall into depression in October and had been diagnosed with major depression in November). On meds I don't have SI for most of the time. I would say I have SI 1 day out of 7 and anxiety I have to varying degrees every day for short periods of time. Every day is different and the feelings of wanting to stay in bed is there. Unfortunately depression isn't something we can will ourselves out of.

Keep reaching out here but please get some additional help. I have a babysitter that died 3 months ago from suicide and she had a moment of not being clear in her mind that's why she did it. In addition to that a person in my treatment program has a daughter that passed from suicide a few months ago.

Thinking about you and worried about you. Reaching out can be hard but please get help.