I sure understand your reluctance to take drugs...and depression is such a tricky disease.

I think that it is beyond question that there is a medical (physical) component to chronic depression. Brain imaging studies seem to make that clear. And research clearly shows that your chances for recovery double when you do both drug and talk therapy.

In my opinion, your best chance for recovery to live a drug-free life are to do both now, antidepressants and therapy; but I think that you can work on the negative thoughts...they are a large part of your condition. There are several therapeutic modalities (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, REBT) that deal directly with changing these thought patterns. You recognize these thoughts as part of the problem; think about taking the steps to change these thought patterns, it can make a huge difference in the course of your recovery.

Hope this helps...

DJ