I think that when people expect grief to end at some point, and it doesn't they think they have done something wrong, or they are nuts, etc. In my opinion, what happens is that when someone very close to you dies, you are changed forever. Forever you are different in some way.

Over time you'll see those differences - the changes may be subtle or dramatic. At first the differences may all seem like negative ones, tho over time you may see differences which actually can be counted as positives. For instance, after a tremendous loss, people may find themselves more sensitive to other peoples pain, and more able to help others in their times of need. That's certainly a positive.

I hope this makes sense. This has been my experience anyhow - that it's not really grief that lasts forever, it's the changes in us. Yes, after my mom died, I surely was in emotional agony for a long time.

But, once I realized that I changed forever, that helped me to distinguish the pain of that loss, from the alterations in Emmy. I could not go back to the old me. I missed the Emmy who had a mom. I grieved that loss too.

So, I've rambled again. My mom died 3 decades ago so I have had a lot of time to ponder this. For new grievers, just try to hang onto the idea that the pain will come in waves, but the tide gets lower. The sadness is a reflection of the love but when the pain dissipates, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving that person. To me, it just means your relationship with them has changed to a deeper, more spiritual level.

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner