I feel horrible for writing about my experience at the market this morning. I hope I dont hurt anyone's feelings when I write about what exactly triggered / affected me. I dont know what else to do, though.

**PLEASE NOTE THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING**

I had a panic at the market this morning. The same one I go to on a regular basis and have never really had any problems except for the place being too packed with customers to go there.

Outside the store, in the lot, it seemed to be a bit more chaotic than usual. I did not have the greatest feeling but I attributed it to the holiday and everyone in the neighborhood trying to pick up necessities before the 31st.

When I entered the store, the energy was different than usual, though, and there seemed to be a manic / chaotic semi-dangerous feel in the store. Usually, the environment is pretty tolerable but this was different.

As soon as I walked into the store, I felt as if I had walked into something unfamiliar and off. I couldnt get to where I needed to go...people were pushing their carts around without paying attention, talking loud, meandering, overly excited: it was as if I felt like I was surrounded by something that was unsafe.

I finally made it over to produce, after being blocked for a bit, and the local firemen were there doing their regular Sunday shopping bu t nothing else was familiar. I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

All I wanted to do was get my stuff and leave. But at that point, I was feeling so much anxiety and a panic coming on that I couldnt concentrate. I could not remember everything I needed. But I did need coffee...how could I forget that

I went down the narrow aisle, getting cut off by people just not paying attention. Then, I found my coffee. Thankfully. I couldnt understand what was wrong with me either because at that point, I was scared and feeling like I was going to faint.

A familiar face restocking the aisle thank god, the store manager. I was wondering if I was just losing it...I asked him quietly, "is it me, or is the store right now like being in the night of the living dead?" He looked at me and quietly explained that What I was sensing was real and that every other Sun the local assisted living, residential community home halfway house did their shopping. It was for the most part fairly safe (with some exceptions). I turned white as a ghost because when I looked up, both sides of the exits to the aisle were completely blocked, the residents were manic and I felt like I was going to faint.

The manager looked at me and asked me if I was ok, and I said, "I really want to get out of here..." he kindly escorted me through the crowd / blocked aisles.

I tried to do the rest of my shopping but I just couldnt. I was a goner at that point. I ran into the manager again and said how awful I felt for saying what i did and he said he understood, and if I needed anything to let him know. I just mentioned I wasnt feeling well, the firefighters were in produce and if I fainted to tell them to come over.

*sigh*

What exactly was I afraid of? Was it the chaotic, manic energy that my ultra- sensitive self was responding to? Outside the store, the shoppers were running around the lot, jumping around, blocking exit ways...it took me a bit to get back to my car. I felt so incredibly ill. When I got home, it took awile to calm down a bit and I ate a little something. Voices outside seem louder than usual, traffic as well. And I feel raw. My back hurts. And my chest too from breathing so hard.

Knowing what I know now, too, I feel terribly guilty / ashamed too for reacting the way I did. *sigh*