You may not find alot of people that are able to talk about ritual abuse let alone Satanic. part of this is because of the ritual part of it. Abusers use different ways to prevent the person from ever being able to talk about the abuse they have gone through. Sometimes just a way the abuser looked at them is programed into them and other times its an object or statement. for example one of the programmed thoughts that therapists and I were able to find with me is that the fear of other family members would get hurt oor kill themselves if I told. the type of programming used is individual depending on the type of person the victim is just like in regular abuse. the difference is that in ritual abuse the person is abused the same identical way using the same object or words being said to them.

Ritual just means the person is being abused the same identaical way each time they are abused - the abuser has them perform the same way every time they have oral, or the same position during intercourse, the same object, and so on.

for example If a person is repeatedly told every time they are being touched a certain way "You're mother will kill herself if you tell" in exactly those words and being touched the same exact way each time the statement is said, that is ritual abuse.

Now you have someone who at the very thought of telling goes into fear that her mother will kill herself so she is completely unable to even form a sentence that she could use to tell with.

People who have gone through this type of abuse also have some sort of self injury programming mixed in there. So that every time the person starts remembering and or thinking about telling what happened to them they get very strong urges to hurt themselves in some way.

Every time I start working on memory recall and or talking about details I get a strong urge to burn or cut myself and sometimes I have a flashback of seeing a lit match and sometimes a cigarette.

Ritualistic abuse happens regardless of satanic, catholic, baptist, black, black, white, and no matter what is used for the programming and who it happens to the survivor is basically unable to tell, and in alot of cases it takes hospitalization in order to get past those abuse installed programs.

I was hospitalized three times within a three month timespan because of acting on self injury and suicidal urges. and that was just in finding out that I had been at the least molested.

I have been in and out of therapy for over 20 years and I only have a few memories that I have been able to piece together and talk about and when I talk about them the urges to self injure is so strong that even drawing a picture or writing about it I want to hurt myself. Up until about three years ago even hearing or seeing the word - ritual was a huge trigger where I would end up dissociating away from the idea that I may have been ritualistically abused. I still cant write or draw any details when I am not dissociated. its even worse when it comes to talking. If it wasn't for the therapists guiding me with their questions and helping to keep me grounded I would not be able to talk about any new memories.

Through years and years of therapy I have learned how to talk about those memories without acting on the urges but it takes alot on my side and my therapists to do it.

I have found that with any kind of ritual abuse that me and some of the survivors that I have met that while working on the abuse situations safety protocals like knowing and actively using grounding techniques and relaxation techniques is a nessesity BEFORE starting the in depth work needed for this, and the same with having a very strong and supportive network has to be in place. Doctors, friends, therapists all have to be working together that way when all heck breaks loose and the survivor is in crisis activve suicidal self injury mode there are plenty of people that can hold that person away from the physical and mental edge so to speak. My family physician and therapist have a release of information form signed and active in both their files so that they can at any point talk to each other to cordinate my treatment plans when needed. I have a local friend that is always involved with my therapy plans. She knows every step of the way what I am working on, who my therapist is and contact information because on at least one occasion was in fear for my life and needed to contact my therapist. I have also built quite a network of friends, survivors and professionals on line and in real life that I can call, email, and or show up on their doorstep. And they all come into it when I am in active phases or not.

If you have been ritualistically abused you are going to need the help of a therapist in order to remember. Memory recall work is very hard and next to impossible to do on your own. Its going to take a therapist to guide you - ask you questions and help you to stay grounded and not acting on programmed thoughts. With out SKR's help and now LL's help I would not be able to do memory recall work for repressed memories that are abuse related. I can access non abuse related ones on my own but not abuse related ones.

I use all different avenues with my memory work - journaling, drawing, making scale models and diaramas, the PTSD Workbook, The Courage to Heal text and workbook, Amongst Ourselves workbook, Mind Over Mood workbook, The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, the relaxation visualization activities by Nancy J Napier on http://www.nancyjnapier.com and her books "Getting through The Day" and "Recreating Yourself", relaxation visualizations by Belleruth Naparstak http://www.healthjourneys.com and in her book "invisible Heros, the book Repressed Memories by Rene Fredrickson among others.