I've suffered from terrible nightmares ever since I can remember. As a kid, they were more simple: being abducted, missing special holidays, my family not wanting me, etc.

Around the age of 12, they got worse. And very gory. Some were re-occuring, apocalyptic dreams, but though they were scary, they were more adventurous. I'd wake up feeling unsettled but they didn't impact my life.

But then, I'd have dreams of people killing me, torturing me. I'd have dreams of people I loved being violently, horrifically murdered in front of me. Of disasters I couldn't control and being abandoned. I'd feel intense physical pain in my dreams that I've never felt in real life, at least that I can remember.

I'd also have dreams of being raped by my father and others.

I awake with a sick feeling in my stomach, sometimes screaming and crying. My entire day, I can't get these terrible images out of my head and become very reclusive, more so than I already am.

Last night was another one and I spent the night alone which makes it worse when I wake up. I used to refuse sleep because of the nightmares. Now, half the time I can't fall asleep or sleep too much to escape to the good dreams I have.. Which sometimes happen.

Last night I dreamed of being in a school. All of us, including a few friends of mine, were being held hostage. I watched my best friend's limbs being cut off while she tried to protect a younger version of me from being hurt. They eventually got to younger-me and shoved sharp rocks into younger-me's eyes. I tried to escape and protect other students, but I was powerless. And then everyone I loved was yelling at me, telling me how terrible I was.

I woke up crying. What can I do to lessen these dreams? They haunt me terribly.