I also know the feeling of failure, which brings me back to that day at the recruiter's office...

I had ****ed up big time. I got my second underage. I lost the internship that I was the most qualified candidate for and a shoe in, and that I needed to land a job out of college. I could no longer persue my second major in education. I had no other options, so I thought military.

I was in excellent physical condition, a soon to be college grad, a skilled marksmen, an Eagle Scout, and the country was at war. I knew I had it in me to lead the best of the best to serve and protect my country. So I chose the Marines. The devastation, when that recruiter denied me on the spot because I had finally gone and gotten help for the hell I had been going through, was overwhelming.

I looked for an out. And I too pondered the idea of a hot lead injection to the skull, but I knew I was better than that, stronger than that. So I pushed on, focused on completing my degree, graduated, and landed a dream job mowing hay for a living. It didnt work out either, but I kept on truckin'.

Now I'm doing much better. I'm off medication. And the possibility of military service is there again. I rely heavily on the support of those around me and I'm thankful everyday for my friends and family and the doctors that all helped save my life.