Everyone's loveable.

I think your anxiety and depression are probably your number one problems right now. Being socially clumsy is an annoyance, but it isn't nearly as much of a problem; depression causes a LOT more distress than autism.

("High functioning" doesn't mean anything, by the way. There's no official definition. It just means whatever the doctor thinks it means, which can range from "has a Nobel prize" to "was able to put on their own shirt today".)

I've had depression. I'll probably have it again. And trust me, autism by itself is not a big deal compared to that. I mean, autism is just a disability. It means I have a weird brain and I suck at some things that other people find easy. I can deal with a disability. But depression? Depression hurts. It stops you from thinking and learning and caring about your world. However: it's a solvable problem. Depression is usually episodic, which means that after a while you get back into balance. Treatment can shorten the episodes and prevent recurrences or at least help you nip them in the bud when they happen. In the more severe cases, treatment can literally help you survive an episode. You owe it to yourself to do something about your depression. Having to live like that is no fun and leaves you very little energy to learn useful things that help you deal with living as an autistic person in a non-autistic world.