I told about ruptures with past therapists in the termination thread, so I won't repeat what I already posted. I'll add that I have ruptures with my current therapist also. I have finally reached a point where I can see that I am the one creating the problems. I start feeling picked on, especially when what they teach in my classes seems a lot more client friendly than what she does with me. She expects better of me than what I usually present to her, and I end up feeling like she must hate me and I can never be good enough, and a who mountain of self-pity garbage. But she treats me better than I treat myself. All the junk and garbage is mine, not coming from her. She just gets out of the way when I act like that, and that's frustrating because you can't carry on a fight very well with nobody fighting back. One time in the very same email I told her that I wasn't sure I even liked her, and then I demanded hugs, and said that it wasn't even worth showing up at my appointment if she wouldn't give me a hug. What a mess. I'm in another rupture now because I only partially did my homework, and she rejected it and told me to get to work, and I wanted to talk about other stuff, but she wouldn't forget about the homework.

Repairing the ruptures requires me to change my attitude and stop fighting and accept responsibility for my own behavior. Sometimes it takes several weeks, and I keep feeling like she must hate me until I can see her in person and feel that she acually isn't the way that I've been picturing her. I'm doing better this time. I know it's me, not her. It's still icky though.

Rap