i called today actually.....i have an appointment on friday oct 13. im really anxious about it, but i know i need to go. for example: last night i had the most horrible feeling of a zombie...depersonalization i think its called...omg! it was horrible!!! i ended up cutting and well, i ummm did something kind of odd actually. i wanted to be alone so i went and sat on my dorm's porch, but it got cold so i uh sat under the stairwell leading to my room in the basement. i dont remember exactly how it made me feel better, i just remember hiding behind the actual steps and eventually curling up in the fetal position on the cold floor. i had tried calling people all day, so i did try to deal with before i cut. but for some reason...the stairs...i dunno they consoled me. and one of my bestest friends was talking to me last night AFTER i had calmed down and wanted to know if i had ever gotten my meds refilled...i told her yes and that i take them. apparently i am acting "strange" and am "not myself" i dunno how i take that or how i should deal with whats been happening lately. its strange, yesterday i was all down and today im still kinda not chipper but i have so many ideas for stuff to do and it seems like i just dont have enough time to get it done. like i wanna keep typing an di wanna do hmwk and make a shirt and decorate my walls and go to walmart and....gosh./ see what i mean? can anyone make some sense of whats goin one with me?!?