Quote:
Originally Posted by MilitaryMech
I swear to God.... I'm a total failure. I have managed to drive off everyone around me. Up until a couple of days ago I was on fairly good terms with my in-laws..... Now I have run my mouth/fingers off and have made it so there is no way they will have anything to do with me. Not that they are great people, but they are better than no family....
I can't keep a job.... Hell, for the last three months, I cant FIND a job.... I'm a RN and am reduced to applying to be a long haul truck driver!
I was a failure as a Marine....
I was a failure as a Nurse....
I was a failure as a Son....
I was a failure as a Husband....
I'm pretty sure I'm failing as a father.....
Jesus Christ.... If it wasn't for my children, I swear I would eat a bullet just to stop the pain. They are the only reason I have left to live in this world.
I could never do it, just because of the trauma it would put them through...
So what do I do? I "soldier on".... I keep trying to hold my life and my sanity together.....
I hate my life.....
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You just described "me" in a nutshell. Exact same feelings. I like it when others describe how I feel so I don't have to think.
I'm still only here because of my kids. I could never do it but in the meantime, I get pissed that I cannot do it because of them. Does it make sense?
As far as driving people away; in my opinion, people who really love you and care about you do not go away. They know you have a condition and should always keep that in mind. I know it's hard, but still. That's what love is in my eyes; being there even when the other is a loyal pain in the arse.
That's why I fight with my family and try to explain. BUT if I have to explain it to my own flesh and blood then it defeats the purpose. That's why I feel so freaking alone. Can you tell that I haven't taken my Lexapro for days?? Doc forgot to call in.
