Well, the first thing that worked for me was actually just learning that I'm autistic. That was a huge help for me, because it taught me about why I am so constantly stressed out. Most people don't go into overload from bright light, wool sweaters, crowded cafeterias, or unexpectedly canceled meetings--but if you're autistic, you very well might. Learning that about myself helped me learn to manage my stress levels better, mostly by avoiding the things that overwhelm me, or planning for the inevitable overloads and shutdowns. Learning that a shutdown was just my brain blue-screening because of too much data, rather than a sign that I'm immature and useless, was a great help. It meant I could find somewhere private, rest until I could think again, and not beat myself up over the episode.

I did go into therapy. Several therapists weren't very helpful; the first one who was helpful tended toward helping me learn how to solve practical problems in my life, giving me a place where I could ask questions and get suggestions. She was also the first one to treat me with respect. Instead of worrying about how horrible I felt and how little energy I had, we worked on how I might use what energy I had the most efficiently, to do useful things. I also learned a lot about how to monitor my own thoughts: When you are depressed, your mind edits things so they are unrealistically negative. Instead of believing those things, I learned to question them, to say, "What if that's not true? If that horrible thing did happen, what would you do to cope with it? Are you really such a horrible person as you think you are?" It's often a matter of changing things like, "I'm a failure," to, "I failed a test." Or changing, "I can't do this," to, "I'm having trouble doing this; how can I find a way to get it done?"

Perhaps learning to talk about how you feel could be a good start. You seem to express yourself rather well in writing. Would it help to write down what you think instead of having to say it on the spot? I've kept journals for a long time and while it's mostly a hobby, I'm pretty sure it's helped me think.

I did take medication, and still do. Right now I'm on Prozac, but that's not a recommendation for Prozac, because everyone is different. I think you'll probably just have to work with your doctor to try different things. Antidepressants don't have a really huge effect most of the time. They won't magically make you happy. When an antidepressant works for me, I usually just find that it's a little easier to cope with things, a little easier to pull myself out of bed, to plan and think, or to do something productive. You still have to fight it, but medication gives you an edge. The way I figure it, I can use any help I can get.