I can feel myself running down...

Maybe it's just the weather... it's rainy, dreary and chilly...

But I'm afraid it's not.

I'm stuck on things... feel like I can't get anywhere...

I get stuck on suicide thoughts, too...

I ought to be doing things:
I ought to be spending time with God - but I'm distant and lazy.
I ought to be spending time around people - but I'm disconnected and tired.
I ought to be spending time in creativity - but I stare into space or at mindless computer games.
I ought to be spending time learning my languages - but I wait until the last minute and skid through my classes.
I ought to be spending time sprucing up my space - but I leave things in piles and only wash when I have no other choice.

I can feel myself falling... if I don't change soon I'll fall for real... for the last time.

I don't know what to do.