Oh, holy cow. I am so hyper and excited. And terrified. I feel very exposed.

After only four and a half months, I have sent someone my resume. I have been mostly trapped in the house with anxiety and trapped in the bed with depression. I did not want to put myself out there. I just wanted my life to go away.

But it didn't. I kept pushing and trying to work on my issues, and I am so proud that I worked enough to be able to do this. I also feel lucky, because I know there are times when pushing is not enough to budge the cloud of misery.

I re-wrote the cover letter for two hours. After a while, I thought: "This is silly. I can't make it perfect. I can't predict how they will react to each word of this." Glad I'm sometimes getting a little more perspective.

I'm afraid of what will happen now if I get disappointed. My anxiety partly functions to keep me from getting my hopes up. Even now, I applied so late that I probably can't get a job set up by the deadline needed for a program I'm in. I've handicapped myself so that if it doesn't work out it's "not my fault," or at least it's not because people don't want/like me.

It's still progress! I will try very hard to keep positive and remember to do my normal journalling/affirmations/meditation today even though I'm riding a high right now.

Just wanted to share good news. Don't get to very often!!