This is going to be pretty lengthy so I would appreciate anybody who reads all of it, especially since even over the internet I am quite shy so it isn’t easy for me to express myself.

Hi, I’m 17 yrs old and I just started community college this year.

I fear that I may be suffering from a variety of disorders and I have done quite a bit of research on the net to find out about them. Everything that I may have is undiagnosed because I am too embarrassed and shy to contact anyone about my problems. These are things I feel I may be suffering from.

Asperger’s Syndrome
Social Anxiety Disorder
Avoidant Personality Disorder
People Phobia
Clinical Depression

I’ve taken dozens of online tests and I am sure that I need serious help. For example if the test says if you scored 50 or above you have severe depression, I would score something like 75. It happened with each test I took. I also fear I may have some sort of learning disability.

I feel as if I may have had a disorder pretty much my whole life, it’s only been really in the past year-year and a half that I have felt as if they have had made themselves apparent. This is because in high school I had a lot of friends but I was expelled (I would rather not disclose those details) and so my parents decided that I should come to America to live with my brother and his girlfriend and go to community college.

Now I have been to school for 2 and a half weeks and I haven’t even had a conversation with anyone at all (not even hi). I am not understanding some of my work and I am too anxious to talk to the professor about what it is I don’t understand. My brother keeps telling me I am a freak of nature and I can tell all his friends think the same thing even if they don’t say it. On top of that I am in a foreign country so it makes life even more difficult for me.

I have thought about seeing a therapist or psychologist but as I said before, I am incredibly embarrassed and shy. I can’t even look people in the eye. I would also consider going to a therapy group session but I don’t really know where to start. I have never felt like a loner before this and between my classes I am so anxious that I hide in a toilet cubicle until my next class begins everyday.

I am worried that if things continue on like this then I will kicked out of the college I am currently attending and have to be flown back home. I want to return home but there are no schools I can go to there and because I can only speak English, getting a job will be nearly impossible. The fact that I am so mentally unhealthy plays a role in all of this and ultimately limits my life chances.

Suicide has been bugging my brain for the past year or so because I simply feel so hopeless and no one understands me. I’m scared that I might start hating school so much I would totally avoid it altogether and become reclusive. I find it difficult even buying things from the supermarket I am so afraid of social interaction.

If you read this far, thank you so very much, even if you don’t respond, I appreciate it to the fullest.