I recently found out some news that has sent me in to quite a funk..a funk that I can not seem to snap myself out of..the news, although disturbing to me, does not seem to be so important as the fact that I can not seem to shake this funk like I have before..the turth is it has been coming on for weeks..slowly..but when I found out this news..it came on fast and strong..It has been quite a long time since I have felt this way..seven years to be exact..sure I have had my ups and downs..but I have always pulled myself out of them..and quite fast..this time feels different for me..this time feels wrong..and dangerous..this time is scaring me..I talked to a friend of mine recently, venting a bit, and when I read over the letter that I had wrote to her, I saw so much anger in what I had written. And I am noticing that I have such anger in a lot of things when I think about it, and I have been thinking about alot of things lately..dreaming about them..daydreaming about them..can't help it..they just come..flooding in..and I am starting to realize that maybe I have not dealt with things the way that I have convinced myself so well that I had..I have NEVER been an angry person..That is one thing about me that you will hardly see..so I am thinking that maybe it is finally surfacing..and I am just not sure what to do with it..how to handle it? I am crying at work, locking myself in the bathroom, crying at home, rollercoasting back and forth, my emotions a mess..and all awhile I want to talk in here..but I feel a little isolated in here as well..different..because most in here either see a T or are on some kind of medication to help with there DX or are seeking help about such things..and I do neither..and will never do either again..don't get me wrong..I believe that this can be beneficial for many people..but if you knew my past you would understand my fears of not going this route again..I went this route before..and it made me sick..sicker than I was..Im not being paranoid..its the truth..the doctors and the medications that they put me on..made me crazy..literally..until I walked away from it all..and when I walked..that was the day that I started getting better..and I vowed I would never return to that..but now..I need something obviously..and something outside of that route!! I think maybe there is no one that can relate to me...sometimes I feel like an outsider even in here..makes me sad..makes me cry..makes me lonely..but I stick around hoping and continuing to be myself..cause that is who I am..and can only be...sorry for such a long post..My friends can not handle my past and I would not push it on them..to me, if I walk into a T's office, that signify's that I have made a step backwards in my life..a HUGE step backwards..but these memories just keep coming..I know I am confusing here..but any suggestions?