I found two great websites that explain the narcissistic personality disorder of my mother.

http://www.lightshouse.org/#axzz2GJONNFSg

http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

Another person on PC told me about the one just above, thank you. I now realise that my mother to me has been narcissistic my whole life. It has always been about her feelings above everybody else’s. The websites also talk about narcissistic rage which I was a victim of. What I find very disturbing is that my mother got my two sisters to bully me constantly as a child. It was relentless and they carried out every order either explicitly or implicitly to basically make me invisible. Their goal was basically for me not to exist in the family, which was ‘crazy making’ as i did exist but yet given a message I was not allowed to exist. Every type of abuse was driven at me by my mother through my sisters. It just shows how gutless my mother was that she had to get my sisters to do her ‘dirty work’. What really gets me angry is that no one sees anything wrong with mum today. She is ‘wonderful’, ‘saintly’, ‘holy’ and ‘devout’. In their eyes my mother can do no wrong. She is always right. I’d like to say to them how is that in any conflict mum is always right? When I think about it over the years mum has always been seen as righteous. But as I look back the main reason she had so much rage against me was because of my sex. She didn’t want a boy and did everything to make me not exist as said earlier.

I just wanted to post this to see if anyone else understands me. I’m just dealing with a lot of stuff at the moment and I find it hard to accept what happened. Needless to say I am now at the point of no further contact with the family.