Oh my goodness, I am a bit freaked out and very upset. Recently, I have been feeling very afraid - not of other people, but of myself. A lot of factors I've chosen to ignore, overlook or brush off as just random weirdness have been hitting home lately. The result is that I am very afraid of the person I am. Whether I am this person by nature, or have become this person over time is hard to say. So, what am I, exactly? I've always had problems with other people; as anyone who has read my most recent thread knows, I hate people and society with a passion. I've had instances of violence and meanness towards other people on my part. I am very brutish in my feelings towards other people, because I know they will be exactly the same towards me, at some point in our relationship. I have always felt misunderstood, cast out, rejected, and unwanted. This has made me a very bitter and angry person. I also am very prone towards people who are said to have an "edge" - usually, I realize, because I feel that they are outcasts as well. This has ended badly for me in many instances, from being beat up by a boyfriend to being bullied by my own friends. I am a very intense person, and I am usually excellent at making good first impressions. But I am not a nice person, at least, I don't think I am. Someone I know, whose opinion I value, has made allegations that I am sociopathic. Not knowing anything about people with this personality disorder, I looked it up - what I found shocked me. Caricatures of guys with evil smiles holding switchblade knives to the throats of animals, pictures of vapid-looking women selfishly clutching their possessions. Those didn't scare me the most, though - what terrified me was that the descriptions sounded a lot like someone I know.... in other words, me. All the online sources I looked at portrayed these people as menaces to society and people to be avoided at all costs. I am very scared - I honestly don't know who to turn to. I don't trust the medical field, and I don't want to see another therapist. But I need some answers - I feel like I am a truly horrible person. Maybe I really am. If that were the case, what would I do then? Resign myself to the fact that I am bad, and do whatever I want and say whatever I want? Or try to fight it? Would I win? And if I win, which is the winning side? I am so confused and freaked out, and I don't know what to do. Unlike the images I saw online, I don't hurt animals, and I don't particularly relish my possessions. But who am I.... really?