for a long time i have doubted if there is such a thing as true friends, i wonder if those with 'true friendships' are not just deluding themselves and the ones they see as true friends are really just as fickle as all the rest. Ihave yet to have any really true friends, as soon as the going gets tough or i need their help everyone scurries back into the woodwork, never to be seen again until they need something from me!

I like you have a non exhistant love life, my family took the side of my abuser over that of me a 9yr old child and allowed him to stay living at home, hence the abusecontinued till i left at 19! I have not looked back to any of them since.
i had loads of friends until i became unable to walk, then over the course of 6 months everyone disappeared. I think seing me brought home the reality they did not want to see that life is a bxxch and anyone can become disabled at any point in life.
i too am short fat and ugly, difference is i am older so have grey hairs and wrinkles to deal with too!
I have come to realise that the only person i can really rely on is myself. being disabled i get sooo frustrated when i can't do things and have no choice but rely on others because i know i will be let down or the thing will not be done properly. that said it does make me very much more happy/content with the small things in life. someone holding a door open or offering to help me pack my shopping into scoots bag make me realise that there are some good people around even if they are strangers

[I am bad, no you are not no one loves me , no one could love me, until you love yourself others will find it difficult to love you I am unlovable, no you are not you just need to love yourself a bit first. I am dirty if you feel this as a resulot of abuse then you are not dirty but are scarred, if you feel dirty because you are unwashed then have a bath/shower, it's my fault abuse is not your fault unless you were the true abuser, I'm stupid you don't sound stupid to me, I should have done something if you could have you would have so don't beat yourself up about not doing something, I should have told someone you were unable to tell for some reason, probably you were too scared, I hate myself look at yourself and find one thing that you feel ok with, it could be your eye colour or your dimples or your hair, boobs etc but identifying even one thing you like about yourself is the first step to learning to like yourself again, you are a beautiful person and don't listen to those who say otherwise., I must be bad no one is truly bad everyone has some good bits even if they don't show them often, I must have wanted it,no you did not, your abuser did though I must have done something yes you were just being yourself, being you, this does not give others any rights to mess with you or say unproven things about you, I'm being punished probably, but not all punishments are justified and from what i see this one is definitely not justified, I deserve to die everyone will die eventually,you do not deserve to die before your natural time comes. I don't want to be me i hate being me too, i'd love to swap with you, but wouldn't wish my imobility on anyone!, why do these things happen to me, they don't just happen to you, look through this site and you will find lots of people who have been through or are going through similar things to yourself I must have deserved it. no one deserves it, but unfortunately for every good person in the world there is a queue of bad ones waiting to destroy the good ones]