I could go on another rant with our educational system putting college graduates in debt but that's a whole other issue.

You should give yourself a little bit more credit with your socializing skills though. If you had the ability to unlearn some things to function socially, I'm sure you have the ability to learn more things to at least "upgrade" yourself to "social retard" . But seriously, I get your concerns around people. My upbringing made me naive to a lot of things so I would say somethings that show it and it isn't until in retrospect do I feel embarrassed about it. And it's not like you can go and explain to everyone how your upbringing made you do something "stupid and awkward." But awkward seems to be the new thing now. Everyone seems to describe themselves as awkward when socializing. I think it's kind of like a forewarning to the people they interact with so things get less awkward when something awkward does happen.

I'm not sure where I stand with the whole "life matters" thing. It matters enough that we are suffering in it. I just feel like life wasn't meant to be this hard. It's just the aspirations that we as humans put in it make it more difficult than it needs to be. Imagine if the only responsibility we had was simply staying alive with food and shelter? No bills to pay, no standards to live up to. Just, being- existing in the world was enough. Unfortunately, WE have to be the ones to make life matter. It's just more difficult when what matters to you doesn't generally matter with everyone else.