So, I went through a very traumatic year back in 2009. I was in a very abusive relationship and had lost many friends and also feel to this day that I can't seem to connect with my family anymore...

Before the trauma, I was extremely outgoing, funny, eccentric...and now, it seems that I just don't know what to say anymore. I keep to myself...I'm quiet. And, though being quiet isn't neccessarily an issue, it just isn't me. I used to ALWAYS have something to say!

Now, I haven't been quiet like this for all 4 of these years. It's off and on. For a few months I'll be back to normal me--talkative, silly, hyper...but then I'll look back on how I've been acting and feel insecure about myself, feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot and should just keep my mouth shut. So for the following 6 months or so, I'll be really quiet, anxious, and depressed. Right now I'm back in that stage and it's really getting old because now I feel like I'm boring and am getting completely ignored because when I do actually choose to talk, everyone just talks over me or interrupts me.

I just really want to get back to my crazy fun old self, but I don't know how to stay in that mindset when I finally feel like I'm back to it! I feel the real me coming back again now and I'm really worried it isn't going to last again what can I do to stay in that state of mind? How can I get myself to open up around people and not care whether they think I'm stupid or conceited??? Please help me. It's been a really rough 4 years.

I miss the real me